Share This Post
Post Updated
The Day After Christmas
It’s the day after Christmas, the traditional holiday we call Boxing Day. And while it’s meant to be a day to chill in between cleaning up the remnants of the chaos from all that Christmas cheer, for me, it represents a time of reflection — and to some degree, it brings on an annual sadness.
A sadness that can easily become a depressive episode if I don’t initiate a good dose of self-care. So tomorrow, no matter what happens, I will have my ass in the gym. I hesitate to wonder where I’d be if I didn’t go pump iron and chat with the regulars.
See, for me, it is healing on two fronts. First, the obvious: movement is great for longevity and better mental health. Second, it allows me to be social at a distance — and this too is therapeutic for my mental wellbeing.
Being alone this time of year is likely what causes this dip in my wellness. At a time when getting together with friends and family is the main goal, it’s rough when you have few loved ones to be merry with, or no loved one at all to share in the joy.
And I’m far from the only one.
Related
Longing for Love While Pushing It Away
When we avoid the work of healing, the pain doesn’t disappear — it settles in deeper. This reminder is simple but true: to do nothing is to suffer needlessly. Every small step toward understanding yourself is a step away from unnecessary pain and closer to genuine well-being.
Keep reading
I see it everywhere I look: people with little to no social connections, little in the way of success in terms of finances, and even fewer places to go where they feel welcomed or seen.
My heart goes out to everyone suffering. The vast majority of us deserve to have our own slice of holiday cheer. But also, so many are robbed of a warm bed, a nice hot meal, and good people to help us through our toughest times.
Many are robbed because of things like parental alienation, out-of-control substance use, and yes — a crippling mental illness.
If depression is, for instance, one of the biggest contributors to disability worldwide, there are a lot of lost souls desperate for someone to see and hear them. To understand that sleeping more is not because they are lazy, but because they feel heavy, worthless, and unable to love.
From a mental health angle, depression and trauma pull people away from the people they love — whether through an unwanted but irresistible urge to isolate, or through repeated acts of irritability that appear irrational to outsiders but make perfect sense to an overwhelmed nervous system.
But the world is not an idealistic place, and not everyone gets the dream life. Does this mean that those who are down on their luck can’t find a way to bring meaning to their lives?
But Not All Is Lost
I don’t think so. But if one wants a life of substance, they must try to do something about their plight.
If your life is lonely and feels impossible because of it, there is one important lesson here: no one is coming to save you — at least not to the degree that you envision. This means that remaining idle and marinating in your current lot in life will only bring more of the same: sustained depression, continued loneliness, and a stronger desire to isolate.
If what you are seeking is a better life by Christmas of 2026, then you must go after that.
Taking Responsibility for Your Past: How Growth Begins After Trauma
Taking responsibility for your past isn’t about blame—it’s about growth. A personal reflection on trauma, ownership, and the moment healing truly begins.
Keep reading
How Do I Escape the Loneliness Trap?
In short, do the opposite of what you are doing now.
Never getting out? Go downtown. Go through the line at your local coffee shop. Go home. This might not seem like much, but it’s a great start.
If you are burdened with social anxiety, for example, your first step might not be going to your coffee shop. It will probably be a therapist who can help you build up to this task.
It’s worth noting that what seems like a menial task may actually be monumental. So be kind to yourself and remember: your effort is what matters.
When things don’t go according to plan, it’s best to resist the temptation to say, “I told you so.” Take a step back and try again. Remember, you are going to stumble. We all do. It comes as natural to us as breathing.
More Ways to Escape the Loneliness Trap
If loneliness has been your baseline for a while, it’s important to understand something: your instincts are not broken — they’re protective. When connection has hurt or felt unavailable, the nervous system learns to retreat. But what protects us short-term can imprison us long-term. You can learn more about how the modern world impacts your nervous system in my new book: WIRED TO BE HUMAN.
One way out is to anchor yourself to places before people. People feel risky when you’re lonely. Places don’t. Gyms, libraries, cafés, walking trails, and community centres offer what I think of as ambient connection. You’re around others without needing to perform, explain yourself, or be “on.” That still feeds the social brain.
Another step is to build routine before waiting for motivation. Waiting to feel better rarely works. Routine comes first; mood often follows. Same walk. Same time. Same bench. Same gym hour. Familiarity reduces threat and gives your nervous system something predictable to lean on.
It also helps to do something mildly uncomfortable but survivable. Loneliness shrinks tolerance. We don’t need to blow it wide open — just stretch it. Make eye contact with the cashier. Sit closer to others instead of isolating. Say “have a good day” instead of nothing. These are not trivial acts; they are nervous-system training.
When belonging feels too far away, choose contribution over belonging. Belonging asks to be chosen. Contribution lets you choose. Volunteer. Help someone move. Clean something shared. Meaning often grows faster than connection — and connection often follows meaning.
It’s also important to expect awkwardness and plan for it. You will stumble. Things will go wrong. When they do, resist the urge to say, “I told you so.” Instead, remind yourself: Of course this feels hard. I showed up anyway.
Being Social From a Distance
Isolation feels safe when you live with PTSD — but it can quietly deepen the very pain you’re trying to escape. Being Social From a Distance explores creative, low-pressure ways to reconnect with the world without overwhelming your nervous system.
Keep reading
Eliminate Loneliness?
Finally, remember that the early goal isn’t to eliminate loneliness — it’s to reduce isolation. Those are not the same thing. You may still feel lonely even when you’re around people. That doesn’t mean you’re failing. Isolation deepens depression. Loneliness heals more slowly.
You are going to stumble.
We all do.
That’s not failure.
That’s being human.
I’m rooting for you,
Jonathan.
We’d Love Your Thoughts! Share Your Insights in the Comments
For media, speaking, podcast and general inquiries
Find more mental health content at: theroadtomentalwellness.com
Follow Jonathan and His Blog: The Road To Mental Wellness
Copyright: How To Escape the Loneliness Trap? | Finding Meaning When You Feel Alone.