Share this with someone who needs it
Follow Jonathan Arenburg
For thoughtful conversations about mental health, modern life, human biology, and what it means to stay connected in a disconnected world.
When Blame Becomes a Survival Strategy
If you’ve ever read my first book, The Road to Mental Wellness—a book about my struggles with depression, anxiety, and later post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—you might remember the following (not word for word):
Within the hurt, the anger, and the pain lived a need to project my woes onto anyone else but myself. That was my go-to reaction as a child. After all, when your teachers are constantly “at you” during the foundational years—roughly ages eight to thirteen—your developing brain, and therefore your unregulated emotions, can begin to see the world around you as the problem.
The trouble with never taking responsibility for your part in your own story is that you don’t grow. You rob yourself of the opportunity to become a better person.
Now, when you’re a kid, you may not be able to see the full picture. You may not yet be capable of the kind of reflection needed to recognize that you own some part of your struggles. But as you age and your brain matures, that changes.
At some point, you absolutely need to dig deep and examine the role you played in your own story. Of course, there are many factors that shape our lives—it’s never a one-size-fits-all situation.
But in my case—and maybe in yours too—real growth didn’t begin until I accepted responsibility.
Who Really Raises Our Kids? Exploring the Modern Influences on Children
Discover how peers, educators, and media shape modern child development beyond parental influence.
Keep reading
The Moment Everything Changed
That shift came in the form of a revelation, one delivered to me by my mother.
A wise soul, whose short frame carried a life far harder than mine, said to my nineteen-year-old self one day—probably because she was tired of hearing me blame my childhood teachers:
“John, you are nineteen years old now. You’re a man. And it’s time you take responsibility for your part so you can move on.”
Her words hit me like a lightning bolt on a sunny day. They were so powerful that I immediately began to internalize them.
Damn, she’s right.
That sentence bounced around my head like an inflated balloon released inside a barrel.
I suddenly understood that I was stuck in the distant past. Because I was so busy blaming, I wasn’t looking forward. I wasn’t pursuing my dream of becoming a counsellor—a goal I had latched onto after high school—because the echoes of “You can’t do it” still dominated my thinking. Words I had heard one too many times.
Why Taking Responsibility Was a Turning Point
For me—and I think for you too—taking responsibility was a game changer.
After intellectualizing that realization to death, I came to understand something simple but hard to accept: despite the past, and despite the wall of anxiety it created, I was never going to realize my dreams if I stayed stuck.
So the question became, What do I have to do to make it happen?
The answer was straightforward, even if it wasn’t easy: enroll in college and actually put in the work. Something I had refused to do as a child in school. Not because I was stubborn, but because I carried a boatload of misunderstood angst throughout my childhood.
What Growth Looked Like on the Other Side
As an adult, I finally fought back—not by rebelling, but by choosing differently. And I began to thrive.
I earned my addictions counselling credentials. I became a dad, a husband, and a productive citizen.
All of that traced back to my mother’s wisdom—and the strength it gave me to try.
I think you can do it too.
When Was the Last Time You Felt Free from Anxiety?
oin me as I reflect on a rare question from therapy: When was the last time I felt free from anxiety—and what those fleeting moments really mean.
Keep reading Owning Your Story and Moving Forward
Life will never be free from struggle. But it’s within those pockets of strife that the greatest rewards are found. The key to growth is accepting the role you play in your own journey.
What happened to you cannot be changed—it’s firmly rooted in the past.
What can change is how you carry it forward.
They told you that you’d never become a firefighter, a lawyer, or a business owner? Prove them wrong—not with anger, but with resolve. Say to yourself:
“I may have given you a reason to think that. But I’m going to show you that you’re wrong.”
So what are you waiting for?
Own your part. Make a run for your dreams. I promise you—the pain along the way will be worth every second.
I’m rooting for you,
Jonathan
About the Author
Jonathan Arenburg is a Canadian author, speaker, and trained counsellor exploring how modern life clashes with our biology—shaping anxiety, depression, and PTSD.
Learn MoreJonathan’s Latest Book
Drawing from personal stories and research, Jonathan Arenburg explains why so many of us feel anxious, disconnected, or out of place — and offers a path toward realignment with our natural wiring. This isn’t a step-by-step self-help manual; it’s an invitation to understand yourself more deeply, reconnect with others, and build a life that truly fits.
Perfect for readers seeking clarity, hope, and a deeper understanding of why life feels the way it does — and how to make it better.
Why the Modern World Feels Wrong — and What Evolution Says About Making It Right
By Jonathan Arenburg, author of The Road to Mental Wellness
© Jonathan Arenburg — Taking Responsibility for Your Past: How Growth Begins After Trauma
Join the conversation
If this resonated—or challenged you—I’d genuinely like to hear your perspective. Thoughtful disagreement and lived experience are welcome.
Scroll down to the comments below. Please keep it respectful—this is a space for honest, human conversation.